


The Power In Hate

by lls_mutant



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-11
Updated: 2010-03-11
Packaged: 2017-10-07 21:43:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lls_mutant/pseuds/lls_mutant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Why?" Jack asked again, running a possessive hand down Hoshi's back.  "Why this?  Why me?"</i></p><p>Hoshi shrugged.  "I hate myself."</p><p>A fic written for the BSG Pornbattle, and inspired by a comment on twelvecolonies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Power In Hate

The haircut was horrible, of course. Everyone knew that. But Jack Fisk wasn't tactical officer on the _Pegasus_ because he saw what everyone else saw, and what he saw in Lieutenant Hoshi was a lot more than a bad haircut. There was a dedication there, a commitment to a purpose that Hoshi didn't just believe in, but _lived_. For Jack, that overcame any cosmetic shortcomings.

Besides, he wasn't exactly Narcho or Stinger, and he knew it. Jack was an incredibly smart man, and very capable of telling the difference between the impossible and the conceivably attainable. And the awkward, underpromoted, overeager Hoshi fit the second nicely.

Of course, there were problems. Lots of problems. Like he was a lieutenant colonel, and Hoshi was a junior lieutenant. And that Cain was extremely strict on the subject of fraternization. And there was a good fifteen year difference between the two of them. The list went on. But when the _Pegasus_ was out in space, pickings were slim, and there weren't that many men interested in men to pick from.

The solution, of course, would be illicit trysts out of the public eye. The main obstacle was how to gauge interest... how to convey what he wanted without it coming across as a breach in protocol. And subtlety wasn't exactly Jack's forte.

He found an opportunity when the communications system went down, and Colonel Belzen ordered him to help Hoshi fix it. Tight space, a few good double entendres... it was very easy to let his hand brush where it shouldn't. He let it drift across Hoshi's ass- just a brush- noticing that the younger officer had a rather nice one as he did so.

Hoshi stiffened, and then turned, his eyes questioning. But he didn't say anything, and Jack did his best to look engrossed in the wires he was soldering back together. Hoshi turned back to his keyboard, not saying anything. An accident, he must have decided. Jack smiled to himself.

He waited until the end of the shift, and then did it again, when Hoshi was standing on his toes, reaching for the screen above his head. This time, the caress was more deliberate, a smooth sliding with firm fingers. Hoshi stilled, and then glared down at Fisk. But again, he didn't say anything. Whether it was disgust or a simple adherence to military protocol, it was impossible to tell.

Jack didn't touch him again.

***

It was an odd seduction technique; Jack knew that. But it was one he'd found effective before. Small touches at odd times. A hand on a shoulder during duty, a touch to the thigh as they passed in the hall. A rub across the shoulders as he passed Hoshi in the mess, and on one memorable occasion, a brush against his naked arm in the weight room.

On the last one, Jack was sure he saw goosebumps.

He was almost ready to say something, and that was when the Cylons attacked and ended the world.

***

"Hoshi?" Jack entered the infirmary hesitantly.

Hoshi blinked slowly, turning his head slowly to face Jack. "Lieutenant Colonel," he said slowly.

"How are you doing?" Jack asked awkwardly.

Hoshi opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out but a groan. He touched his head gingerly. Jack glanced around and pulled up a chair.

"Doc told me you have a concussion," he said. "She says you should be okay."

"The CIC," Hoshi muttered. "I should be there. I'm sure the systems took some serious damage and the Admiral will want them back online…"

"There are people there."

"But the communications system-"

"Major Shaw is working on it."

Hoshi groaned again, closing his eyes. "Make sure she doesn't frak up my system," he said, and Jack could see that he was fading.

He patted Hoshi on the shoulder; a chaste, respectable pat. "Get better fast," he said. "We need you in the CIC."

"Yes, sir," Hoshi said. He was relaxing into sleep, but he cracked one eye open. "Don't go groping her," he slurred at Jack.

Jack made a face, but Hoshi didn't qualify what he meant by that. Instead, he fell back asleep. Jack nodded at him, and then left the infirmary. He was needed in the CIC.

***

The shot echoed through the CIC, and they all froze. It was like a movie, where everything paused and then went into slow motion as Belzen fell backwards, thudding against the floor. It was an image that Jack would never, ever forget, as much as he wanted to.

And then Admiral Cain called his name, and things got even more frakked up.

***

"You need an assistant," Admiral Cain said. "Your organization skills have never been the best."

"With respect, sir," he began, and then remembered what happened to Belzen and decided not to point out that his organizational skills were _fine_, thank you. Besides, he hadn't slept since his promotion.

Cain arched her eyebrow at him. "Yes, Colonel?" she said, in the tone of voice that Jack had never dared to contradict. He swallowed hard.

"With respect, sir, but I'm not sure who we can spare for the job," he said.

"I've already assigned Lieutenant Hoshi," she informed him. "He's used to the position." At one time, Jack would have really liked hearing that. Right now, it didn't seem so entertaining.

"Yes, sir," he said simply.

***

There was a knock at the door, and Jack glanced at the clock. Five minutes before six, and even the knock was efficient and competent.

"Come in."

Hoshi entered, straight and professional. "Good morning, sir. I have the reports."

"Good. Let me hear them."

Hoshi began going through the details of engine maintenance and Marine rosters, his voice steady and even and monotonous. But as Jack watched his face, he could see that there was something more there. He remembered that Hoshi had been Belzen's aide, and he was undoubtedly feeling the loss of his mentor.

He knew he shouldn't be thinking it, but the realization that Hoshi was especially vulnerable right now hit him with the force of a Viper. He had to take a moment to catch his breath.

"Are you all right, sir?" Hoshi said, noticing his inattention.

"What? Yeah, I'm all right." Jack gathered himself back together. "What about you, Lieutenant? I know you and the Colonel were close."

"I'm fine, sir," Hoshi said, but he looked away as he said it. "Admiral Cain also scheduled a meeting for-"

"Hoshi, you're not fine."

"I'm fit for duty, sir. That's all that matters right now."

"Mmm." Jack looked at him for a long time. He leaned forward and put a hand on Hoshi's arm. Hoshi stiffened, but he didn't pull away. "If you need to, we can work something out," he said.

"I'll consider that, sir."

Jack didn't know what possessed him to do it, but he did. He ran his hand up Hoshi's arm and cupped his cheek, running his thumb over the skin. It was smooth; Hoshi must have shaved before his duty this morning. "You do that," he said, his voice husky.

Hoshi had beautiful eyes. He'd never really noticed that, not until they were sitting so close, Hoshi staring at him wordlessly. They were deep brown and wide, framed with heavy, long lashes, and extremely expressive. Then Hoshi blinked and cleared his throat, and Jack pulled his hand away.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," he said formally. "Report to the CIC. I'll expect you back here for a briefing at 1500 hours."

"Yes, sir." Hoshi stood. His hand shook as he saluted, and Jack knew he wasn't imagining the tension between them now.

***

They fell into the pattern easily. Hoshi reported each morning and each afternoon, always in Jack's private quarters. Jack let a week go by where he didn't touch Hoshi at all, letting him get comfortable in his role. Then, one morning, as Hoshi read off the figures on their food reserves, Jack let his hand fall onto Hoshi's knee.

Hoshi's voice faltered, but he didn't remove Jack's hand. He just continued on, as if nothing had happened.

Jack half-listened, and as Hoshi moved from rations to fuel, his own hand began to move. Small, at first, one finger tracing small circles on the fabric of Hoshi's pants. Hoshi still didn't react, and Jack let the motions grow bolder. Finally, when he ran his hand up Hoshi's thigh, Hoshi set the report aside.

"I was wondering what it would take to make you do that," Jack said, and leaned in and kissed Hoshi.

Hoshi kissed back obediently, opening his mouth under Jack's without prompting. It was hard to tell what he was thinking or feeling; if he was just a passive lover or if he felt pressured. Jack found that, at the moment, he didn't really care. It was so easy to get lost in this, and let something _good_ wash over him, blotting out the darkness and the nightmares that damned the _Pegasus_. He stripped off Hoshi's jacket and laid him back on the bed, and Hoshi struggled out of his tanks with no prompting, and then began to work on Jack's jacket. Neither of them said a word through the entire thing. There were no "you're beautiful"s, no compliments, no queries of what the other liked. Hoshi turned over without asking, and Jack was grateful.

He frakked him. By the time they got there, it was hard and primal, with urgent grunts and sweat and the slapping of flesh against flesh. It was exactly what he needed, and when he came, he collapsed against Hoshi's back, breathing deeply and feeling clean for the first time.

Hoshi lay there until he got his breath back, and then stood and dressed without comment, and left in silence.

***

If Jack had any doubts about Hoshi's consent, he vanquished them that night, when Hoshi showed up unannounced, just as silent as he'd been that morning, and began to undress. Jack watched him. Finally, when Hoshi was naked, he walked forward and straddled Jack's lap. He said four words:

"My name is Louis."

Jack nodded, and sat back, letting Hoshi- _Louis_\- undo his pants and then slide down to kneel between his legs. The man knew what he was doing, Jack realized as he tipped his head back and gave over, and he was willing to do this.

Whatever _this_ was going to be.

It was the thought of what it would be, what the dynamic was headed to, that made Jack come.

After it was over, Hoshi stood back up and began to dress. Jack caught him by the wrist. "You don't have to go."

"No?"

"Not yet." Jack glanced down and noticed that Hoshi was still hard. "You're not done."

Hoshi shrugged. "It's a problem I can take care of myself."

"I know. Do it."

Hoshi blinked once in confusion, and then the cubit dropped. "All right," he said, and he knelt down again. He brought himself off with mechanical motions, catching the ejaculate neatly in the palm of his free hand. Jack watched, wishing he had the resilience of his youth.

"All right," he said, when Hoshi was done. "You may go."

"Yes, sir." Hoshi saluted. But as he left, Jack noticed that his step was lighter, and he looked a little bit more like himself.

***

"Why?"

"Excuse me, sir?" Louis asked, laying in Jack's bed. He was stretched out on his stomach, sweaty and still breathing hard.

"Why?" Jack asked again, running a possessive hand down Hoshi's back. "Why this? Why me?"

Hoshi shrugged. "I hate myself."

"Oh." Jack thought about that and snorted. "Don't we all."

"Probably. It makes living with it easier, though."

"I see." He paused. "That's the only reason?"

"Pretty much." But there was trust in those brown eyes, the knowledge that while Jack held all the power in this relationship, he would never misuse it.

For some reason, that made Jack hate himself just a little bit less.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Face Not Her Own (The Perpetrators, Victims and Bystanders Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/125897) by [Trovia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trovia/pseuds/Trovia)




End file.
